One year ago today...

...my life was forever changed...not a day...or a moment...goes by that I don't think about my dad...this evening on the way to Camryn's soccer game we went to visit my dad to give him the gift that Mason had made last year for him but never got the chance to give him...when I pulled the still wrapped candle out of the closet from last year...I cried...on one side of the white bag Mason had drawn what appeared to be a very angry face...and on the other side...a very sad one :'(

 

..one year later...

...I think that no one will ever understand what I felt that evening as I watched my dad take his last breath, but I do know that my mom and sisters...they also share this deep loss and terrible pain that just seems like happened yesterday and will not go away...just as that song came on the radio, a sense of peace started to fill the room and as he began to slowly take his last breath the lyrics sang out...I try to hold on to this world with everything I have, but I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that tries to grab...the many trials that seems to never end...His word declares this truth that we will enter in this rest with wonders anew...

 

...this last year has changed me...I have cried more than I even though imaginable...I think that some people in my life haven't been able to deal with that...and well until you've had to deal with a loss like this you will never understand this type of sadness and pain. As my mom has put it many times, Life Goes On...just not the same way as before...everything about my life has changed since my dad has passed away. I miss talking with him when something exciting has happened or I need to share an accomplishment of the kids' or I need his advice. I always loved getting his advice even if he told me something I didn't want to hear. This last year I've missed him the most at {Birthday's} where he would always light the candles and at holidays when we'd make food...just to hear him say it tastes great! ...always wanting to please him!

 

I have said it now probably a thousand times that I was lucky to have such a great dad...a dad who was always there for me! ...but in this healing process I am just not moving along fast enough...I am terribly sad a lot of the time. Right before my latest surgery I had a dream and in this dream I got to see my dad and I just didn't want this dream to end. I was so happy to see him and even more happy to have him talk to me, but then it ended and once again that sadness took over...

 

...my dad kept telling me over and over to take better care of myself...to try and deal with my stress...to not sweat the small stuff...that it would make me sick...and over this last year I have literally been slapped in the face with one thing after another...two surgeries since May...the scary reality of a mass being removed...then another biopsy scheduled...and all I could hear was my dad saying you are going to be okay...but you need to start taking better care of yourself! I think I need to make some major changes in the coming year...

 

...I have learned a lot over the last year...but what I hope for the most...is that I will take everything that my dad taught me...and I will be the best parent to my children that I can be...they will grow up to be caring and loving and giving individuals and to them FAMILY is EVERYTHING.

 

...tonight when we went to visit my dads grave...Mason finally got to give him his gift from last year...Ben graciously lit the candle...several tears were shed...then we left and headed out to Camryn's soccer game...I told Camryn EVERY goal tonight would be for Papa...she scored SIX GOALS for him...we miss him more and more every day! I find peace in the fact that I know he is no longer suffering...and that he is free from that horrible disease...the very selfish part of me wants him back more than anything...but I know that someday we will all be together again and I find great happiness in that...until then I will continue to live my life in the way that he raised me...I will do the same for my children...I will love him and honor him...my dad...my hero... 

 

 

 

...{recently} I was given this poem...I think that reading things helps you to cope...but it doesn't make the pain go away...this was beautifully written...

It doesn't seem to to get any better...
but it doesn't get any worse, either.
For that I am thankful.

There are no more pictures to be taken...
but there are memories to be cherished.
For that, I am thankful.

There is a missing chair at the table...
but the circle of family gathers close.
For that I am thankful.

The turkey is smaller...
but there is still stuffing.
For that I am thankful.

The pain is still there...
but it only lasts moments.
For that, I am thankful.

The calendar still turns, the holidays still appear
And they still cost too much...
but I am still here.
For that I am thankful.

The room is still empty, the soul still aches...
but the heart remembers.
For that, I am thankful.

The guests still come, the dishes pile up...
but the dishwasher works.
For that, I am thankful.

The name is still missing, the words still unspoken...
but the silence is shared.
For that, I am thankful.

The snow still falls, the sled still waits,
and the spirit still wants to...
For that, I am thankful.

The stillness remains...
but the sadness is smaller.
For that, I am thankful.

The moment is gone...
but the love is forever.
For that, I am blessed.
For that, I am grateful...

Love was once and still is
A part of my being...
for that, I am living.

I am living...and for that, I am thankful.

...school has been keeping me pretty busy...but I think finally I might be settling in (notice I said "I" because lord knows they sure haven't started too...lol...recently I was able to sit down and make some new digital LOs...and WOW...all I can say is...I really have missed this!!!

I LOVE MY FAMILY: for this LO I used an {amazing} kit called Birds of a Feather by Design by Dani

 

...this one might be a {NEW FAVORITE} ...I used: Jenni Bowlin's Jeweled Butterflies, SahlinStudio: Fleetwood Kit, Echo Park: Dots & Strips Jewel, Other: Digital Stamp by Karla Dudley

 

...this year at the pumpkin patch was bittersweet...for this LO I used: LivE: TheBootiful Kit, Becky Higgins PL: Clementine Edition, Other: Tag by Vinnie Pearce, Note Card by Gina Miller

 

...it was finally about time I started to do something with these pictures from our trip to Indiana...I used: Jennie Bowlin: TownSquare PP, LivE Brown Bagger Vol.2, SahlinStudio Fleetwood Kit and Frame.

 Today's Digital Scrapbooking Day...and I plan on participating!!! I hope you do too :)

...I can't get started to early...or can I?

...sometimes have assignments forces us to get stuff done early! My Christmas Card is complete...and it's only September...gotta ♥ that! Brand NEW digital Echo Park {Happy Holidays} **coming soon**  to JessicaSprague.com 

 

Photo By Sunny Wright Photography

 

...and I even bought two Christmas presents today! ...wish I could say I was on a roll...but I really feel like I am WAY BEHIND...an I will never get caught up...here's hoping I am WRONG!!!

WOW!!! It's been awhile since I have shared...

...and I do have stuff to share...just NO TIME to share it...since I have a few minutes this morning...I will go ahead and share these...I literally threw these together for the kid's teachers this year...just a quick little gift for them...to let them know that I am wishing them a great year...Camryn and Mason have great teacher's this year...and Ben's has a awesome Home Room and Science Teacher... (yes...I can say that she's my friend...love ya Maren!!!)

...I really hope the kids and their teachers have a great year!!! ...I also made my teaching partners a little something...a {Thank You} for all their help and support the first week of school...it really is so nice to be working with such amazing staff!

...I know I have made more cards that I haven't shared...but right now I can only find this one! I apologize for it being a bit blurry...

Have a great weekend! ...and I hope to share more stuff soon!

Mason turns {8}

This last weekend we celebrated Mason's 8th Birthday! When I look at this sweet face not only do I not see 8 years flash before my eyes...

I also see what an amazing, strong little man he is! I knew this question would be coming sooner or later...and last week Mason finally asked me..."Mom, why am I so small?" ...we were out in public when he asked so I was not only a bit shocked...but I needed to make sure I could hold all my emotions together. I just looked down at him and his sweet face and said the first thing that came to mind..."well Mason, because I was!" ...he just looked at me with a strange look on his face...and for those that know me...I may not be so small now but I used to be...lol...Camryn who is only 9, she is basically the size I was when I was Ben's age and Ben is the size I am now...he's only 12...I'm not sure where those two are getting their size...ok back to Mason...I told him he was going to grow...I promise. He asked when? I said, "When you grow up to be big like Daddy." ...he then asked, "Well how big?" ...and I thought for a second...and I said very matter of factly... "...as big as Papa..." ...and he said, "...well how big was that?" I almost lost it at that point...it hasn't been that long...how can he have already forgotten? ...but I  just need to keep in mind that he's a child...it's been almost 8 months and my Dad was bedridden for almost a month before he died. ...and just like that our conversation was over. I held it together...Mason seemed content with the answers he got. It wasn't until later that I was by myself going over the conversation with him again in my mind that I did completely lost it...

...as Mason's B-day approached I found myself dreading it...for the same reason I dreaded Camryn's Birthday back in February...who was going to light the candles...that was and always has been my Dad's job!

Well it was time to light Mason's B-day candles and I was frantically looking everywhere for them...I couldn't find them anywhere! I think my Dad was just trying to help me get through this...once again..to "not sweat the small stuff" ...we never found any candles, but we did find a left over sparkler from the 4th of July! ...and we were able to sing Happy Birthday to Mason!

... it kinda looks like Mason thought it might explode! lol ...actually it was just windy! Mason had a great Birthday...he got exactly what he wanted and hasn't stopped playing with it!

Materials Used {HERE}

...here are my July LOs for JessicaSprague.com

...and if you are still on the fence about trying digital scrapbooking...you should really giving it a try...THERE'S NO MESS...and you are still able to document all your family events and unforgetable moments. The best part for me is the NO MESS!!! This first LO is one of {my family} one of many professional photos taken recently by an amazing photographer! We all loved our time with her...

Materials Used {HERE}

 ...this next one is of our super cute friend Ashlynn...who recently lost her front teeth!

Materials Used {HERE}

...as the first day of school is quickly approaching...I pulled Mason's 1st day of School picture from the 1st grade and made this LO...it's so hard to believe he is about to enter 3rd grade! (funny thing is...he doesn't look much different).

Materials Used {HERE}

 ...this summer we've done SO much soccer! 3 nights a week in fact...soccer camp for a week/3 hours and day...plus multiple tournaments...Camryn has played in tournaments in Pasco, Yakima, Portland, and we are getting ready to play in Spokane and then we are heading back to Portland...one more week of soccer and two more tournaments to go...and then we get a little break :)

Materials Used {HERE}

Thanks for stopping by...

...this could be a new favorite!

...well here's the first of many new LOs of the recent family photos we had taken...

Sunny did a fantastic job on all of our photos!

Materials Used {HERE}

I can't wait to do more...

...another Father's Day...

...we did a little celebrating all weekend...had lunch with Stuart's brothers on Saturday afternoon before one of them headed back out of state again...it was so good to have everyone together again...even if it was just for a little while...

...and on Sunday we missed our Dad's :'( ...it was a tough day...we started the day by visiting the cemetery...I made our dad's each one of these because I know how much they both LOVED golf and honestly I just could not make them something...

...ended the day standing on the golf course...I took this picture of Rattlesnake Mountain...looking at the sun as it was starting to go down...seeing exactly what my Dad would be seeing if he would have been on the golf course at that exact moment...the desert to my left and his favorite hole to my right...some moments of that awkward laughing...and again memories I will always cherish...I really HATE all these firsts...the first Father's Day without him...all I hoped for is he was standing beside us today...guiding us...and helping us get through the day...

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.( John 14:27)

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The kids and I got Stuart some new OAKLEY's for Father's Day...he really needed some new sunglasses...Stuart really liked them...and was quite surprised!  Here's a digital LO I made today with a picture of Stuart and the kids taken yesterday...

Materials Used {HERE}

I also made Stuart one of these too for his office...

Materials Used {HERE}

I hope everyone had a nice Father's Day too!

Look who is turning {5}

I have been honored to have been a part of JessicaSprague.com for the last couple of years and design for them and I can hardly believe they are turning 5! They have planned a HUGE party to celebrate!!! You will NOT WANT TO MISS THIS...each day brings something new...something FUN!!! ...you can find out more information by clicking {HERE}.

{LOVE} this...

...time to go reach some goals...

...6 months...and I wish I could stop counting...

...they say time heals all wounds...it doesn't feel like this wound will ever heal...and how we have survived the last 6 months is beyond me...I miss my dad more and more every day...this large family portrait hangs in my house and I look at it {every} single day. My dad looks so happy and healthy here...but this portrait marks the beginning of his journey with Glioblastoma.

We decided to hang this photo right in the center of our home...just as you go up our stairs...it would be the best place to see it...coming and going. It looks rather small on this emormous wall but it's quite large (a 23x31 canvas print framed) ...eventually the plan is to have this wall entirely framed with family memories.

I don't look at the last picture I have of my dad very often...but I do every once in awhile...I would much rather remember him this way...but I know that all of my memories of him are an important part of his journey...

...I know that he is with us still and he is watching over us and keeping us safe...cheering us on...yelling at us...and doing all those things that he did while he was still physically here...he continues to be proud and loves us...I know that we all continue to look up to him, love him and make him proud as well. He molded us into the people we've grown up to be and we will continue to honor him until the day we die.

Here are some photos of us starting Memorial Day this year...

The kids are getting ready to put out my dad's flag...

...the flag is raised and I know my dad is happy that we got it up just for him!

Standing at my dad's flag at the cemetery on Memorial Day...Mona and I are both wear our dad's hats. The girls are all wearing hat's just like papas...we are all forcing our smiles...be we are all very honored to be there...with dad in spirit.

 Here's a digital LO I made recently...

Items Used {HERE}

...my HERO...our HERO...gone but not forgotten...

***FREE CLASS***

..PLUS...I know it's something you've always wanted to learn... BONUS!!! 5 days...5 projects...you won't want to miss this!!! Photoshop Top 5 with Jessica Sprague...class begins June 18-23...this will be 1 awesome class you won't want to miss!

 

 

 

May Assignments

...WOW did this month FLY BY!!! Less and less time to do fun things like create scrapbook pages and take pictures...but I did manage to complete my May assignments for JessicaSprague.com right on time...with summer right around the corner my to-do list is growing and I'm really looking forward to crossing some things off of it! Here are my May LOs...this first one I pulled out some Fall Football photos of Ben...one of my favorite things to do is watch my kids play their sports! I doubt that will ever change...I am their Number One Fan!!!

{Items Used HERE}

...for LO #2...Me and my kiddos...Mother's Day this year...I thought Ben would be taller than me by the end of 6th grade...not quite...ALMOST...but that's why I wear 2 inch heels nearly everyday! ...and I have hope that someday...Mason will grow...or maybe Camryn will stop growing...would you ever guess that those two are only 17 months apart!

{Items Used HERE}

...and this one is a tie for my FAVORITE for the month! Camryn and I drove to SPOKANE...ran 3.5 miles and drove back in 6 and a half hours...we were home by noon and in time for Ben's baseball game. I almost fell asleep there...and coming back...but we made it...not to mention running with kidney stones...who would of known surgery was just days away!!!

{Items Used HERE}

...this one is a favorite too...months ago we won a contest...with this photo...and because of this iPhone photo and all of my amazing friends...and even people I didn't even know...my family got to have {PROFESSIONAL} photos taken by the most amazing photographer I have ever seen...and now met...I will share as soon as we get them!

...so before we headed out of town to take our photos we decided to take one last iPhone family photo...we tried and tried to get all our faces in the screen...but still we just really couldn't make them all fit...but no worries...because once we arrived on site...I know that she captured some amazing photos of my family...I am so anxious to see them...

{Items Used HERE}

...hope everyone had an amazing Memorial Day weekend...I will share photos soon...but I really must STOP procrastinating and get going on my report cards...be back soon!

...I really dislike the hospital...

...but like it or not I have had to visit the ER twice now in the last 2 weeks and even had surgery...no longer can I say I haven't ever had a surgery... ...the worst was the amount of pain I was in...the  feeling of IV drugs being administered and having no control over my body...the best was having the pain GONE in a matter of seconds! ...I didn't like having to quickly throw together sub plans, especially since I was on like...5 different IV drugs and I really hope the sub could understand what I typed up for her...but at least the surgery was on Friday and I will be back to school on Monday... This morning I woke and I felt great...but it didn't take long before I didn't feel GREAT anymore...thank goodness for hydrocodone!!! I caved in and took it around noon...and started feeling much better :)

...bruising is very typically when I receive an IV...the other arm is bruised from the day before...in the meantime I will just sit back and wait for pathology to come back with results for the cause...and hope recovery is quick so I can get back to running...and just my everyday {stuff}.

3 weeks down...

...6 weeks to go...yes I know that's a count down...everyone is counting down till the last day of school at my house...school is going well for me...I come home tired every night...but really that's no different than before I was teaching everyday...I do miss not being able to get up and run every morning...now I need to fit it in late in the evening...which makes me that much more EXHAUSTED...I miss not being able to scrapbook and make cards...and sew...and I miss not being able to be there for MY own kids when they need me...but this weekend I was able to get a couple of digital LOs done...and since I didn't have a lot of extra time...with Camryn's TWO soccer games...and both of the boys' baseball games...Jessica Sprague's digital templates were the way to go!!! It felt really good to make some pages...

...yes...that is Hope Solo...Camryn and I got to meet her a few weeks back...She was really nice to Camryn and chatted with her about playing soccer...Camryn loved getting the chance to meet her and I was really proud of Camryn for not being shy and opening up and talking to her! Thanks for taking a peek ;)

...the now...

...six years ago I gave up my teaching contract...it was a very sad day...I knew that one day I would return to the classroom...but for several years as each new school started I would be sad that I wasn't starting too...well today as our kiddos are returning to their classrooms from Spring Break...it will also be my first day back to teaching FULL TIME...I am excited!!! For the last few months I have been spending time with these first graders...they are so sweet...I look forward to finishing the school year with them.

...still snapping away...

...in January I challenged myself to take a picture a day...and so far I've been able to keep up...I'm documenting those pictures by making a calendar LO each month...here's the month of March...


{Materials Used HERE}

...the BEST and WORST for this month:

Let's start with the BEST: the kids' sports are back in full swing...I love watching them play!
...and the WORST...Mason having to get 5 stitches!!!

...drug out the paper...

...and stickers and look what I made...placed them both on vases of flowers and gave them away...I love giving away flowers to people...it makes me {happy} and it makes them {happy} too!

...for this one I printed some digital papers from JessicaSprague.com


{See Materials Used HERE}

...for this one I pulled out my favorite Bunny Stamp from UNITY Stamp Co. and {GET WELL SOON} by SRM...and I used PP by MME.

Thanks for stopping by...

Who needs BONEFISH...well...

...except now I will need to master making my own martini's...

...but I did just learn to make my own BANG BANG SHRIMP...it's not EXACTLY but pretty darn close!


Here's the recipe I used: {Bang Bang Shrimp Recipe}

...the only thing you will need to do differently...is double the Breading Mixture...Enjoy!!!

The weekends just go by TOO FAST!!!

We started the weekend with new haircuts for the boys...I have one who if it gets longer than a half inch starts complaining and another who we tell him it's TIME to get a haircut!


...then we headed out to Camryn's soccer game where she got a HAT TRICK!!! ...and for those of you that don't know what that is...that's 3 goals in one game...she had an excellent game and played hard! ...and then we were off to Ben's Season Opener...believe it or not I have NO pictures...the wind was blowing and I didn't even take my camera with me...his team won too...it was a great weekend of games for the both of them...Mason begins this week...and that just means EVERY day is filled with something! BUSY BUSY BUSY

...I'm still keeping up with my {Picture of the Day} and here is my February Calendar...I figure simple is good with this...I am trying to add my pictures almost daily but for sure weekly. I write down what my picture is so I don't forget and I mostly take my picture with my iPhone.



...and I'm finally getting around to sharing a little bit about what we did last weekend...RUN for RIBBONS...it was COLD...really COLD!!! ...but we wouldn't have missed it for anything...we got up early and was apart of the local Run for Ribbons were all funds raised STAYED LOCAL to support the Tri-Cities Cancer Center Foundation...which is where my dad received his IV Treatments for his Glioblastoma...he started receiving them in February of 2011 and received them until November. Our Team was much smaller this year...we were missing someone...my dad passed away in December...but we went out there anyway...we put a smile on our faces...honored him and his life...his courage and his fight with Brain Cancer!


{Materials Used can be found HERE}

...thanks for stopping by...